The Incredibly Non-Sensational Reason for Kate’s Sensational Absence

I know the signs of a facelift when I see one.

Where were you when Kate Middleton went missing in 2024? It’s the story that has gripped the Western world over the last week. Where is the Princess of Wales? Why hasn’t she been seen with her children? Why isn’t her husband with her? Is this the divorce? What is going on?

The longer Kate remains out of the public eye, the wilder the rumors become. They were made even worse last week when a series of catastrophically edited images were released by Kensington Palace officials.

And while the stories and rumors around Kate Middleton’s absence have grown more sensationalist, I see nothing sensational in Kate’s absence at all. Myself an aging woman, contending with the lessening power of Botox, to me, Kate’s invisible woman routine is the sign of one thing and one thing only…a damn good facelift.

What is the evidence that this could be a facelift folly?

I can almost hear the figurative brakes squealing in the heads of so many people reading this. A facelift? What a terrible thing to say! What a presumption! How could I?! How dare I?! What evidence could there possibly be? Why would the royal family commit to such…