Q. I ghosted my toxic girlfriend because I felt devalued and disrespected. It’s been 3 months but I feel guilt now. How do I get over it? (via Quora)

A. Standing up for ourselves can feel foreign and uncomfortable if we’ve never done it before — that’s the simplest answer to your question. If you girlfriend was truly toxic to you, then setting boundaries is going to feel wrong (especially if it’s the first time you’ve done it, or she reacted negatively).

Look back to your childhood. Were you made to feel bad anytime you stood up for yourself? Did you get yelled at when you told your parents you didn’t want to do something? Feelings like that can often come back up when we start setting boundaries in our adult lives.

Focus on your wellbeing and what matters. Are you happier in the longrun? Better off without this person in your life? Then your guilt is a vestige of toxicity. Let it go and focus on the lessons you can take moving forward.

I help you unlearn your pain. Author & NLPMP. My book “Relationship Renovator” is available now.

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