Q. Months after losing my Mom, I’ve been suffering from emotional pain. My manipulative ex keeps blaming me that I cheat, and threatening me that he’ll post something against me. I can’t ask for help from my family, what should I do? (via Quora)

A. It sounds like you are committed to and invested in an abusive partner. The safest thing for you to do is to make a long-term plan to separate yourself from them permanently. When someone loves us, they don’t make threats against us and they don’t even imagine making our lives harder. This will not get easier. You deserve to around people who honor you and support you when you’re suffering — not seeking to punish you.

Spend some time looking inward. You need to fall in love with yourself so that you can separate yourself from this person and anyone who assists them. The more you love yourself, the less you will settle for his poor treatment of you.

Find trusted friends and loved ones who can help you begin this process. They don’t have to be family. You can also reach out to a relationships expert or work on building a chosen family that will help you rebuild a life that’s worthwhile. You deserve to be happy — and you can be — but you need time to process the death of your mother, and you need time (and opportunity) to fall in love with who you are inside and out. Away from toxic people.

I help you unlearn your pain. Author & NLPMP. My book “Relationship Renovator” is available now.

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