My Mother Knew She Was Traumatizing Me. Yours Did Too.
The excuses aren’t getting us anywhere anymore. It’s time to admit that our parents knew what they were doing.
One of the biggest sins in this world is the free pass that is handed to parents. Without so much as a second glance, we allow them to explain away the lifelong trauma they inflict on their children with a shrug and a “I didn’t know what I was doing.” We accept this as an excuse and, as their children, we’re supposed to choke it down with a smile.
It’s not an acceptable excuse. Only on the rarest of occasions is a parent incapable of seeing the harm they inflict. In the greatest majority of cases, they know. With or without the terminology to describe it, toxic parents know when they are traumatizing their children. Accepting this must be a central part of our healing journey.
My mother definitely knew she was traumatizing me.
The moment I knew my mother had an awareness happened in high school. We got into a big fight (over who knows what) which was then followed by the most creative punishment she had ever devised: 1 month without wearing makeup or doing my hair. I remember wishing she had hit me with a belt instead.
