by: E.B. Johnson
For many, an intimate relationship is the final piece of the puzzle that brings their full happiness together. Some find their lives fulfilled when they’re accompanied by a partner that brings meaning and joy to their lives. To get that ideal relationship, though, groundwork has to be laid, and we must make ourselves a place where love can thrive. Have you worked through the pain of your past? Have you figured out what you have to offer a partner? All of these things play a role in the type of relationship we are capable of building.
Positioning Ourselves For Action
(An excerpt from Relationship Renovator)
Identifying our hangups and reforming our idea of relationships is only a starting place. Once we have this groundwork laid, we have to position ourselves to take action and consciously apply the new lessons we’ve learned. This is how we get to our relationship resolutions. This is how we empower ourselves to get on the right track and find the right partner that makes us feel seen and valued just as we are.
Your relationships will never change unless you first actively work out the issues that are getting in the way of stable, loving partnerships. The quality of our intimate partners is directly related to the quality of the environment we cultivate within yourselves. As long as you allow yourself to stay stuck in the same toxic patterns of insecurity, doubt, fear, and a need to be saved — you will end up with the same toxic relationships, repeating themselves over-and-over again.
It’s time to actively improve ourselves and shift the way we see our relationships. Rather than settling for the things that no longer fit, we have to fully realize who we are so that we can fully realize the future we’re longing to create.
Taking active steps to change
What changes are you making in order to enhance the way in which you view partnership? Have you worked out your trust issues? Resolved the personal insecurities that make it hard for you to be vulnerable or to open up? We need to be happy, healthy, and stable in ourselves in order to find those things in another person. We can’t ask our partners to provide us with the things we don’t even have the power to realize for ourselves.
Working out trust issues
Going into a romantic relationship with trust issues is always a recipe for disaster. We have to trust our partners implicitly. This is what enables us to open up with one another and be intimate and honest. Without trust, we can find ourselves battling with a number of complex issues, not least of which is infidelity and a division of love that causes even more heartbreak and rupture.
You need to trust yourself to choose the right partner, and you need to trust the partners that you choose. Build that trust in self-first. Pursue the types of partners you genuinely need in your life. Don’t go after second- rate lovers who don’t have your best interests at heart. Lean into your sense of self and lean into your love of self. Then, your heart will lead to you find those who are aligned with your values and your truths. Partners who complement your journey, rather than getting in the way of it.
Resolving personal insecurities
Are you someone who deals with a lot of personal insecurities? Whether you hate your body, your voice, or what you think you have to offer — you can’t afford to take these insecurities in your intimate partnerships. We can’t love those outside of ourselves until we learn how to love ourselves. It’s a self-recognition thing. Love is understood in those outside when we work hard to understand it unconditionally inside. In order to access that self-love, we need to resolve our personal insecurities once and for all.
While you’re letting go of the past, let go of those things that you don’t feel are “good enough”. Each one of us has something different to offer our partners and the world at large. That’s what makes us beautiful. When we get on the right path and find the right people, we are matched with those who complement our skills and the things we genuinely need and want from our lives. To do this, though, we have to stand strong in the light of our truths and let go of our fears and self-doubts.
Establishing material security
Like it or not, we live in a world in which material security is a piece of the happiness puzzle. In order to access the things that bring us peace, we need money. We need a place to lay our heads at night. We need food to eat and warm clothes to wear. Material security is important, but it’s important that we find ways to provide it to ourselves rather than relying on a partner to hand it to us when we’re in need. Eliminate the variables. When we become strong people we become strong partners. That attracts stronger individuals who can relate to our journey and what we’re trying to achieve.
Unpicking bad habits
What bad habits are you struggling to let go of? Are there toxic patterns of behavior and belief that are holding you back or keeping you scared, insecure, and uncertain of what you’re doing with your life? Setting your sights on a romantic partners as your primary pursuit — at this juncture — is reckless. Our partners don’t fix us. They don’t provide a magical happy pill that suddenly makes us better just for being in their aura…
Want to get more tips on repairing your relationships?
You can get more advice on setting the ground for the right relationship in my new book — Relationship Renovator. After all, we are the ones who choose partners we’re going to invest in. We decide what quality of relationships we’re willing to build, and we decide how much effort we’re willing to put in. Do you want to finally make it with someone who wants the same things from the future? It all comes down to the choices and changes you make right now in this moment. Make the right ones for your happiness and wellbeing.
Happy Relationship Renovator Launch Day
The day has finally arrived — Relationship Renovator is available for purchase around the world!
- Johnson, E. (2021). Relationship Renovator: Transforming Your Love Life from the Ground Up. London, UK: Independently Published.