How a Texas Cheer Squad Proved I Was an Unloved Child

And why I’m learning to accept it.

Image credit: Cheer (Netflix)

I always fight back the tears, but there was no fighting them back a few nights ago when I broke down while binging the latest season of Netflix’s Cheer. As the girls flipped and flew with families looking on in pride, it devastated me. It was a heartbreak that came from a deep place and a sudden deep and pervasive knowing that I had been wildly unloved by mother.

I’ve had to choke down on a lot of hard truths throughout my life, but this one hit me hard. I thought I had made peace with who my mother was, but it turns out there was still a little hope in there. Some shred of optimism that held tight to the promise that my mother had, somehow, loved me.

Sitting in front of that television set, that last shred of hope was stripped bare. It still burns in my chest and brings the tears to my eyes now. I was resented by my mother more than I was ever loved by her, and it took a cheerleading documentary to force a radical acceptance of that truth.

The truth hides in unlikely places.

For those who don’t know, Cheer is a documentary series which follows competitive cheerleaders on their quest to capture the first place title at a national cheerleading competition (only 38 days…